Bachelor Blues

Time for Ask Girls with Drinks!

My little sister is getting married next weekend, and her fiancee's bachelor party is tomorrow (Saturday) night. He's a good guy, possibly too nice for her, but that's another story. He's also very mellow, so mellow that he makes buttered toast look exciting.

So his bachelor party, planned in about an hour and a half by his college-aged brother with a little help from me (making the plans and telling him what to do), the bachelor party now consists of the following events...

7pm --- dinner at nice downtown steakhouse
930pm --- drinking and video games at ESPNZone
midnight-ish or earlier --- nine guys kill themselves out of sheer boredom

As far as birthday parties go this sounds lame, let alone a bachelor party. Like, where are the hookers, drugs, and farm animals? OK maybe it doesn't have to be quite that extreme, but maybe a little bar hopping, scavenger hunt, and for chrissakes maybe a titty bar??

So my question to you as the Vice Best Man in charge of Bachelor Party is the following... do I let it ride and try to help him make the best of what may end up to be a very dull evening (which would probably suit him just fine), make him do a scavenger hunt involving items not found in ESPNZone, or do I try to mix it up a little by dragging him to somewhere like Coyote Ugly where a bunch of drunk hotties can embarass the shit out of him (general female consensus is that he's a tall looker, so he'll def get attention), then off to Camelot or Good Guys? He'll be perfectly happy with the plans as they are now, and the latter comes at the risk of hijacking the current plans and ruining what he considers to be a fun evening out.

Blonde Moment

Have you ever had a "blonde moment"? Having had a few today, I think its kind of funny that they call it a blonde moment. Why not a brunette moment? or a redhead moment? I know redheads and brunettes who are ditzy. And where did that word come from anyway? Ditzy. Is it even a word?

Being a blonde (or at least one who refuses to let her darker roots take over as she gets older), I resent the blonde moment. I mean, I'm smart, or like to think I am. I have a college degree from a fine university in Western PA (back me up on this Berk) and a job title that say I'm smart...or at least suggest I could be.

So why is it that I can't I walk and chew gum at the same time? Why is it when I return to my office from getting a soda for myself and a coworker, I go to the wrong entrance of my office because I was reading the label on my Diet Dr. Pepper? (Oh yes, this blonde reads.) Why do my heels constantly get stuck in the little cracks of the sidewalks, so much so that I walk right out of them? Why do I trip while walking across a flat surface? Why do I sit at my desk with headphones on, but no music playing? Why do I head out in my car, start to think about something and end up somewhere I had no intention of going? Is it just because I'm blonde? Maybe its because I make fun of people for wearing the wrong outfit, or the wrong shoes, or because they look funny. Could this be God or some other higher power getting back at me? "You just made fun of that girl, now you must trip over nothing." Hmmm...

I personally like to think that I have so much going on in my brain that sometimes the motor-skills and other rational brain functions take a back seat to everything else. Yeah, that's it...sounds good anyway.

I guess I'd rather have them be blonde moments than "senior" moments.

Sun Dresses and Sunny Days

I'm a big fan of sun dresses. Women in sun dresses, that is... not actually wearing them myself. They are just one of the many great things about summer.

Unfortunately, fall started yesterday, at least for me. It was dark, misty, and dreary all day, and as I sat on my bar stool at 7pm last night, I gazed out the window not to a bright sunny streetscape, but to street lights, cars with lit headlamps, and people walking or jogging in long sleeves. No sundresses anywhere to be found. I was bummed.

I should have gotten used to the change of seasons by now. Everyone I know who's moved here from a warmer climate like Florida or Texas or SoCal says that the greatest thing about this area is the change in seasons. Well, I guess the grass is greener on the other side, because for the past few years I've gotten more and more depressed as the hot and bright of summer gives way to the wet and dreary of fall and winter.

Thank God for football, hockey, and skiing, otherwise this time of year would be totally unbearable for me. At least having my favorite sports at my disposal provides me with enough of a distraction to get me through the low months of the year until the sun dresses come back out of hiding.

National Singles Week...its for real folks

Is anyone else bored at work today?

So my friend E tells me that her sister told her that this is National Singles Week and she was wondering what to do to celebrate....being sarcastic of course. At first I thought National Singles Week was a way to call attention to singles and mock us for not yet having found that special someone to share our lives with. (I personally have many special someones, I call them my friends. Go ahead, get out the Kleenex. sniff sniff) I didn't even know this "special" week existed as it fails to appear on any calendar that I own. I figured some asshole made this up and the next thing you know Hallmark will have an entire collection dedicated to it.

Much to my surprise, there is an organization called Unmarried America and they have a website with some interesting (some could say depressing) facts, such as:

Singleness: 95.7 million Number of unmarried and single Americans. This group comprises 43 percent of all U.S. residents age 15 and over.

54%: Percentage of unmarried and single Americans who are women.

50%: Percentage of adults in New York who are unmarried, the highest rate of any state.

86: Number of unmarried men age 15 and over for every 100 unmarried women in the United States.

118: Number of unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women in Paradise, Nev., an unincorporated suburb of Las Vegas. This is one of the highest ratios of any place with 100,000 or more people. Fort Lauderdale, Fla.; Tempe, Ariz.; and Sunnyvale and Santa Ana, Calif., follow.

114: Number of unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women in Alaska, the highest ratio of men to women among all states.

So I say to you all....what better way to celebrate our singledom than to drink ourselves silly at Blocktoberfest this Saturday!!! Damn the man, save the Empire! er, um I mean F the marrieds!!! ....and after that my friends, I'm off to Paradise, as in Nevada, or maybe Alaska??

If you want to see more fun facts, go to http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/usaweek/census-release.htm

Hail to the Redskins....NOT

Folks, I apologize for this post, but with me on here, it was only a matter of time before I posted about a sporting event. I know my timing is off, but its been a long week and well, I'm tired. I happened to attend this past Monday night's fiasco of a football game in Dallas. I am a Cowboys
fan. I can say that out loud...depending on where I'm standing at the time. The Redskins won and I can accept that. Game 2 in the season is not a big deal to me. Starting out 1-1, not bad. Winning a game in the last 5 minutes is what makes sports exciting. (I'm glad I was out of the stadium and on my way to the car and didn't have to actually "see" it.....except for the 500 times they've played it on ESPN and every local news channel.) I have two issues (okay, we all know there are more than that, but this is regarding the topic at hand):

First, there were the Redskins fans in DFW Tuesday morning, well mostly just the one that annoyed me. While sitting at my gate there were a few guys hanging out clad in their burgundy and gold, quietly waiting for the flight back to DC. You know in their minds, they were the happiest mofos on earth and rightly so. Their shitty little grins said as much. Next, there was the crew of 5 guys in Redskins gear walking through the concourse yelling "good morning Dallas, good morning". Okay, even that was actually funny. But for one of these guys to proceed to insult every person waiting at my gate who just happened to have Cowboys gear on? I can see a little joking about the game or whatever, but to get downright nasty? To continually drop the F bomb? THIS is what gives Redskins fans a bad name. To top it off he was going off and rather loudly on how HIS team won and this was HIS day? This is where I get all Lloyd Dobbler on him and say "DUDE, YOU MUST CHILL". YOUR Redskins? YOUR day? Whatever. You suck.

I do have to add this note: Elaine and I were at the Cowboys ProShop at the Galleria on Monday afternoon checking out the goods. The store is packed with people loading up for the game and some dude walks in and starts singing "Hail to the Redskins"....sang the whole friggin song. Everyone was laughing! Now THAT was funny!)

Secondly and probably the thing that is bugging me the most are the local sportswriters. To actually suggest that because they are 2-0 the Skins of old are back??? Thomas Boswell writes"One victory is far too little to construct playoff hopes upon. But teams require inspiration to fuel them. And 64-year-old legendary coaches, when they come out of retirement, need
new miracles to convince another generation that both their charisma and their methodology still have permanent power." What exactly is this guy smoking, cause I want some! Are these guys watching the same team I am? The one with a good defense and a poor excuse for an offense? Until Monday night, they didn't even know that Brunell could throw the ball, let alone
complete 2 long bombs for 2 TDs!!! Luckily they have a receiver like Santana Moss to catch that ball. (Who I have on my fantasy team and had on the bench!) I get so sick of the people who write about sports in this area being so on again off again about their teams, especially when it comes to the Skins. (Kornheiser does get one thing right when he says "Bandwagon") If they were 0-2 they'd want Joe Gibbs fired. Now they're 2-0 and he's back to being a genius. The only good thing about Joe Gibbs right now is his NASCAR team.

I will close with this. I'll always be a Cowboys fan....been one forever, why stop now....however, if they manage to lose another game like they did on Monday, or should I say, if they GIVE AWAY another game, the only bandwagon I'm jumping on is that of the Black and Gold...go Stillers.

Note: The opinions of the author are exactly that...the opinions of the author. The rest of the folks on this blog, except Elaine probably completely disagree with everything that was said in this post.

Let the comments begin........

My Reality Addiction

OK, so Kayla's got her kitchen shows. Elaine loves the Amazing Race. Michelle loves her "redneck reality" NASCAR. I've managed to avoid them all for the longest time, but now I've succumbed as well.

I'm addicted to Fox/CNN/MSNBC hurricane coverage.

Maybe it's the impending drama, the whole buildup of watching a group of fluffy clouds formerly known as Tropical Depression 8b12Z take the name and destructive personality of one of my ex-girlfriends and destroy entire neighborhoods, towns, and geographic areas LIKE THAT BITCH RIPPED OUT MY HEART (ahem... calming down). Maybe it's the airheaded yet stunningly beautiful news/weather babes whose perfect hair and makeup bear a stark contrast to the destruction on the video screeens behind them (marry me, Juliet Huddy) Maybe it's the deeply moving stories of heroism and selflessness in a world generally dominated by hate, greed, and excess. Nah, it's definately the babes... Soledad O'Brien in a baseball cap with a ponytail out the back??? Mmmmm...... yum yum.

Or maybe it's a mix of all of the above, plus some other reasons and emotional reactions. Regardless, there I am, eyes and ears turned toward the TV every morning like the RCA dog hearing his masters' voice (only my master this weekend was Kieran Chetry... dee-lish!!). I've even started going home for lunch more just to feed my fix even more, as if an hour in the morning and four at night aren't enough.

So Katrina came and went. All of the sorrow, heartbreak, heroism, blunders, fingerpointing, etc etc is beginning to fade. Iraq has managed to scrape its way back for a few minutes every hour, and I even saw a new story on Amber Frye.

But now we have Rita, a mere annoyance to South Florida yesterday, but getting ready to rip Texas a new one this weekend. As the poor folks of Galveston and Corpus Christi are stockpiling water, ice, medicine, and preparing for the worst, I'm stockpiling popcorn and soda and preparing for yet another weekend and more glued to the TV.

Did anyone notice all the new shows on regular TV recently? Me neither. Blow Rita Blow!!!

The Mandal

I know we've been over this topic before, but considering the blind date I had last night, I just can't help but bring it up again. Why on god's green earth do men insist on wearing "mandals"? WHY?? Can someone please explain to me the cosmic force that drives them to do this? I mean, is someone or something whispering in their ears "go ahead, they look cool and the chicks dig 'em"?

I may be coming across as a very shallow, narrowminded person considering my posts regarding men and their unfortunate choices in shoes. However, the 40+ pairs of shoes in my closet can tell you, this is one topic I have the knowledge and experience to comment on.

As K mentioned in her comment to a previous post, the mandal should never be worn by any self-respecting man. Style challenged or not, they are just bad. If you insist on airing out the feet, throw on some flip-flops and be done with it. Unless you have gnarly ass feet, there is really no bad time for the flip-flop. I mean ladies, what is sexier than a man in khakis, t-shirt (or polo) and flip flops? Not much. Oh and don't even get me started on the tucking in of the shirt. That is something you just do not do, unless you're in a dress shirt and tie. You feelin me?

I could go on and on about this, but I think I have made my point. Just to drive it home, I'm adding pictures of the dreaded mandal, both open toe and closed. If you are of the male persuasion and you happen to come across this article...TAKE NOTES and STAY AWAY FROM THE MANDAL.

First Post!!

Well, my first blog post anyway.

Yes, twas an interesting evening. First off, after having dumped my girlfriend and proceeding to get shit-pants drunk the prior evening, I had no business being at Clarendon Grill. My pores were still secreting the single-malt scotch nitecap (I don't know why I just can't go home and straight to bed) and my stomach was still churning, but the draw of good friends and EXTREMELY good beer prices was enough to get me out again.

Several events occurred during the course of the evening each of which merits their own separate blog posts. In the interest of keeping this short and sweet (and having some material for the future), most involved broken relationships that were fixed by saying the words "I'm sorry" and washing it all down with alcohol. Yes ladies, some of us guys learned that phrase and are not afraid to use it.

Lest it be said, it was an adventure of many unexpected twists and turns, all culminating with a delicious burger, being asleep by midnight, and actually functioning today. I'm looking forward to a nice relaxing evening at home tonight with some pasta and vino. Running a 5K in the morning so have to "carb up" tonight.

Thanks for inviting me in here, ladies!! My shoes and I will hopefully not disappoint you.

Pistol Packing Pete

As I read about our dating woes, I'm reminded of Pistol Packing Pete. No, that's not his real name. Didn't ya notice the "Pistol Packing" part...I have to protect myself you know.

So, I'm out of town on business and one of my pseudo clients meets me out for a night on the town. Thinking she's just coming out to introduce me to her famous baseball player look-a-like cousin, I'm not very pressed about the situation. (I don't usually go out drinking with the client....but was forced to rethink that when I was told about the cousin.) My co-workers and I are chillin at the bar, taking in the Red Sox/Yankees game when in walks Bertha (just following Jenny's lead on the fake names) with a guy I assume to be her beau. Introductions take place and I come to find out this dude is not her soul mate, but her roommate, Pete. She brought him out with the sole purpose of introducing him to the "awesome chick she met at work"....that would be me folks.

The night ends with me avoiding the fact that Pete is trying to ask me out. I found him to be a nice guy, but not someone I would normally be interested in. He wears 2 gold chains, has an earring and I have to admit it, he had some bad shoes on and we all know that alone is a deal-breaker. (While not totally turned-off by earrings, let's just say it doesn't work for Pete.) Did I mention that he was not really into sports? Why can't I spot a red flag when its two feet from my face, waving like the checkered flag at the Daytona 500???

The next day on way home, my phone rings. It's Pete. He got my number from Bertha, as we had exchanged digits when planning the night out. Blah, blah, blah, long story short, we make plans to go out. First date, not so bad....go out for dinner, take a walk...decent time. I'm still having issues with the jewelry at this point.....but again, trying to be a better person and seeing people for what's on the inside and not so much on the outside.

Date # 2 is where it all goes to hell. Pete says he wants to come to town to cook me dinner....not one to turn down a free meal, whether its at a restaurant or prepared in my home, I say yes. I had also made a decision that I was not going to let some jewelry a pair of bad shoes make up my mind about someone who seemed like a nice guy. Girls, please note here....LISTEN TO THE SHOES....THE SHOES NEVER LIE!!!

Pete arrives at my house with groceries in tow. He comes in, takes off his shoes and I see him take something out of the waist of his shorts. His gun....no, not THAT gun, a REAL gun. Now folks, I'm from a family of men who hunt, so I'm no stranger to guns...but really, do I want a handgun in my home? No, I do not. I ask why he has it.....habit, he says. (Pete is in law enforcement, so he carries one for work, but FYI, he was not working!) So now, not only do I have issues with the fact that he has no style, I'm forced to deal with the fact that there is a pistol laying by my front door. I ignore the gun, eat the dinner and after a couple of glasses of wine (the bought cheap stuff by the way...screw-top), I make out with Pete and come to find that he has his nipple pierced. While some folks are turned on by a chunk of metal through the nipple, I personally, am not.

Time goes by (a week, I think) and Pete and I are supposed to go out again. The more I think about the impending date, the more I don't want to go. I figure I'd suck it up and go out and give Pete another chance, but when he tells me he's not sure which pants to wear because his gun doesn't fit in them.....ummmm...excuse me????? Yes folks, he was really going to bring his gun to dinner.....at restaurant! Who does that?

This of course, was the end of Pistol Packing Pete.......and the inspiration for my novel "Guns, Gold Chains and Bad Shoes.....Who Not To Date"

Good Cause = Good Time!!!

Okay, so I have been avoiding a posting since my suggestion of Tony & Joe's got ragged on so badly. I will have you naysayers know that it was actually a good time. I too am wary of the waterfront and the kind of crowd it attracts...but it was a beautiful evening and I was with friends, so a good time was had by all. (The bar was not crowded which helped.)

But now, onto this week's happy hour. My friend Ross (aquaintance from flag football) is having a happy hour at the Clarendon Grille. He volunteers with homeless children and the happy hour is really a fundraiser for them.

And exerpt from his email: "What is it for....What will it cost you......you ask......Well, this is the great thing. Not only will you get FREE food and a choice of SIX BEERS each costing only $1.50....yes.....ONE DOLLAR & FIFTY CENTS.....BUT, there's more.....celebrity appearances by Redskins and Wizards, Redskin Dream Tickets, Neiman Marcus gift baskets, Lacoste Clothing (too many other thingsto list), and a lot of fun. NO, not Pabst Blue Ribbon.......Sierra Nevada, Foggy Bottom, Y-Ling, MillerLite, Bud,& Bud Lite. "

So join me at the Grille this Thursday from 6-9 for a good cause and to get the Girls With Drinks back out on the town. Oh yeah, and Ross asks that everyone give a $10 donation at the door. ALL money raised is going to the charity, so its a good time for a good cause!!!