Friday, September 30, 2005

Bachelor Blues

Time for Ask Girls with Drinks!

My little sister is getting married next weekend, and her fiancee's bachelor party is tomorrow (Saturday) night. He's a good guy, possibly too nice for her, but that's another story. He's also very mellow, so mellow that he makes buttered toast look exciting.

So his bachelor party, planned in about an hour and a half by his college-aged brother with a little help from me (making the plans and telling him what to do), the bachelor party now consists of the following events...

7pm --- dinner at nice downtown steakhouse
930pm --- drinking and video games at ESPNZone
midnight-ish or earlier --- nine guys kill themselves out of sheer boredom

As far as birthday parties go this sounds lame, let alone a bachelor party. Like, where are the hookers, drugs, and farm animals? OK maybe it doesn't have to be quite that extreme, but maybe a little bar hopping, scavenger hunt, and for chrissakes maybe a titty bar??

So my question to you as the Vice Best Man in charge of Bachelor Party is the following... do I let it ride and try to help him make the best of what may end up to be a very dull evening (which would probably suit him just fine), make him do a scavenger hunt involving items not found in ESPNZone, or do I try to mix it up a little by dragging him to somewhere like Coyote Ugly where a bunch of drunk hotties can embarass the shit out of him (general female consensus is that he's a tall looker, so he'll def get attention), then off to Camelot or Good Guys? He'll be perfectly happy with the plans as they are now, and the latter comes at the risk of hijacking the current plans and ruining what he considers to be a fun evening out.


At 12:30 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

Dude... total empathy.

A good friend of mine got married this summer and we guys were totally jazzed about who he selected as best man - figuring on a wild bachelor party night... but then friend's fiancee guilt-tripped him into a "no strippers" rule and we were capital-S Screwed.

I don't even want to tell what we did.

That said, we did end up in Adams Morgan and bar hop (which, in a roundabout way led to me becoming a blogger) but I saw nary a breast all night. So sad. I'd say make sure it's something he'll enjoy - no matter what it is. As much as we like to say that the bachelor party is for the guys, not the groom, we know better.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger DireWolf said...

what's he into? i think the first part of the evening is fine, steaks and espnzone is good. but from 11-6 am you need something more fun.

is he and his wife to be okay with strippers? if so, go to camelot, it's the only club in town worth going to.

or, rent a hotel suite and hire a stripper for an hour to come there.

if he's a no stripper kind of guy, you need something for post espnzone. dudes should NOT, i repeat NOT do scavenger hunts. that's for chicks. ;)

coyote ugly is okay, but unoriginal. rent a limo with a stocked bar and bar hop in style.

rent a vip table at one of the night clubs, that plus it's a bachelor party will surely attract attention.

if he's that mellow a guy, have a late night poker tournament at somebody's place with cigars and whiskey.

just a few thoughts.

At 1:14 PM, Blogger Kayla said...

Get him absolutely wasted at dinner. Then, you all take over. Camelot? No. Good Guys? No. Nexxus. The ex swears by it (and the things my ex was knowledgeable on include: cocaine, 1-900 numbers and strip clubs - now you know why he is an EX). He informed me that Nexxus was the best place he had ever been to (and I take his word for it). I bet even the dullest of dull guys still love some t&a. It's like those girls who come off all sweet and innocent that are FREAKS in the bedroom. (I know, as Usher would say, she's a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed). For christsake, he is supposed to be celebrating his "last night of freedom"... Why do things he can do when he is married??

If that doesn't work, you could always rent some movies, get some ice cream and sit around and talk about your feelings...ha!

(My friend is GM at ESPNZone...I can call and see if he can whip something up for you. Whip it good.)

At 1:17 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

So what was the dealbreaker, the strip clubs or the 1-900 numbers?

I slay me.

At 1:19 PM, Blogger Kayla said...

The cocaine... and the personal hygene issues. It's really a wonder I not only dated this person, but was totally in love with him.

The 900 numbers made me laugh... especially since he used to call during the day... sober.

At 1:22 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

You joke spoiler you.

I can state with 100% accuracy that I have never dialed a 1-900 number.

At 1:33 PM, Blogger Berk said...

My sister can be a little uptight but as far as I know he should be able to get away with a few harmless lap dances. Problem is, I think he'd just rather sit around in a bar catching up with his friends, most of whom are coming in from out of town.

I66 - i have the feeling this BP will be like the one you described.

DW - all sounds good for me, but not my BP; dude wants steak, beer, and ESPNZone.

Kayla - most of these guys are freaked out by any part of the city; Nexxus is in SE and not a very good part at that... they'll freak

At 1:49 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

strip club > Medieval Times

At 2:28 PM, Blogger ESC said...

All you guys should take the bachelor to Coyote Ugly. We the girls will crash the party.

At 2:37 PM, Blogger MMH said...

Ummm...not going to Coyote Ugly. I like the poker tournament idea. Can I come to ESPN Zone?

At 2:39 PM, Blogger ESC said...

Okay, why don't we crash ESPN and then drag the boys to McFaddan's or some place else.

At 2:41 PM, Blogger MMH said...

Can I let you know tomorrow? As it stands right now, I can't breathe. F'ing sinus infections.

At 2:43 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

use alcohol to sterilize the inside of the body.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Kayla said...

I see behind Berk's rouse... we "crash" the party = we are the entertainment. I am not above a lap dance or two... but there is no sex in the champagne room.

At 2:48 PM, Blogger Berk said...

Didn't necessarily want party crashers; someone told me that Coyote Ugly gives free shots to chicks and that it gets pretty crazy in there after Caps games. There is a Caps game Saturday night. We will be in the neighborhood anyway. Add it up.

I'm not opposted to bar hopping but CU seemed like a good place to get things started.

At 2:49 PM, Blogger Berk said...

And not that I'm opposed, but crashing the party was ESC's idea.

At 2:51 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

On my only foray to Coyote Ugly there was a guy with a ball and chain attached to his ankle who evidently was in mid-bachelor party mode - so it's not unheard of.

...and did somebody say lapdance?

At 2:57 PM, Blogger DireWolf said...

lap dances are illegal in DC . . . unless they are in my condo.

At 3:18 PM, Blogger ESC said...

Yes, I admit it was my idea but Berk didn't opposed to the idea.

At 10:02 AM, Blogger Berk said...

According to my sister, the bachelor spent the entire day on Sunday in the fetal position in front of the toilet. The dozen tequila shots his college buddies bought him did the trick.

At 11:10 AM, Blogger I-66 said...

tequila? excuse me while I hurl.

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Kris said...

Lap dances should be legal and straight up tequila outlawed. It seems to make more sense.

At 1:55 PM, Blogger heidi said...

Color me crazy but I really think the idea of a bachelor party with strippers is retarded. I mean full-on short bus, drooling, sticker for front parking spots retarded.

Why? Here's why.

First, the premise that a man needs to celebrate his "last night of singlehood" is total bull. I am a wife and I am no ball and chain. And if I recall correctly, homey asked ME to marry HIM. Ain't no shotgun at my wedding!

Second, people generally get married because they love each other and want to be in a monogamous relationship. Where exactly do a strange woman's tits fit into a celebration of that?

Third, usually it's the groom's friends who are pushing for it. These men either married women who don't know the definition of quality, funky sex, or are simply inclined never to put out, or the guys are single and just can't get laid for one reason or another. Either way, that's THEIR problem, not my guy's problem.

Fourth, back in the day I guess a lot of women didn't do the kinkier stuff, maybe you had to go get a pro for that - that isn't the case anymore.

For the record, I have been to strip bars. I have sent my husband to strip bars with friends before if they were going. We've been married for almost nine years and I could care less if he spends half the night surfing the web for porn; I'm no stranger to it myself. But don't use your impending wedding as an excuse to be an asshole. Hang out with your friends, get hammered, catch up, whatever. But strippers for this kind of thing are archaic and stupid.

At 2:17 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

Heidi... I believe you to be in the minority on this. Then again, I'm sure you realize this yourself with the "color me crazy" caveat - not to say that you're crazy, we're all entitled to our opinions.

I have a question, though... are you against the bachelorette party mystique as well?

At 2:20 PM, Blogger heidi said...

Let me clarify that I am not against bachelor parties - I think that they are really actually important, usually because you have people coming in from all over, many of whom are old friends that you haven't seen for years, and there is no way you will have time during the wedding reception to really catch up with them. So I say a definite YES to bachelor parties as well as bachelorette parties.

It's about cameraderie and hanging out with friends, isn't it? Why do you need a strange naked woman there for that?

At 2:28 PM, Blogger Kayla said...

Heidi, you contradict yourself. Is it only ok for your man to go to the strip club with you? Cause, you aren't against strip clubs. I know it's a lame tradition, but i look at it like it's supposed to be this night where you make a total ass of yourself... and no one looks at you funny or thinks you are pathetic (ha). It's not like you are telling your man to go out, sleep with a prostitute just so he can get some strange before he gets married. I have been to strip clubs, too and it's a lot tamer than watching porn (which is a good time with a partner), etc. I don't look at your wedding as the time to catch up with friends on old times. Possibly that is just me... or the fact that I am not planning on having any friends who I don't talk to all the time at my wedding anyway (like I am going to pay for their food and booze?!)...

At 2:33 PM, Blogger heidi said...

It's not a contradiction - I don't have a problem with strip clubs. I personally don't think there is a valid correlation between a wedding and "attending* a strip club. What's contradictory about that?

As for outer reaching friends coming to your wedding, we had a lot of those - but then we had moved from Florida and Buffalo to DC, so we had people coming in from all over. As you know, since you hoofed it down (and thank you again for doing that!) to rep in FLA. ;)

At 2:38 PM, Blogger Berk said...

Maybe I'm also in the minority but I've never been into strip bars. They are fun every once in a while if you're there for a bachelor party and your buddy gets dragged on stage and humiliated by beautiful naked women.

But I don't get the thrill of dropping a shitload of money on lap dances and overpriced beer just to go home alone and sexually frustrated. I'd rather spend the time and money taking a girl out on the town and having a chance at some action.

At 3:26 PM, Blogger DireWolf said...

Heidi, you are correct, there is no logical correlation between a wedding and strip clubs (unless you're marrying a stripper I guess), outside of tradition.

However, there IS a correlation between bachelor parties and strip clubs.

It's an excuse for good friends to get together and act like idiots, and more importantly, play the role of stereotypical dumb male. It's really one of the few chances in life we get as adults for all of our friends to get together at the same time, pound our chests, flex our muscles, and give strange women with fake tits twenty dollars to dance on our laps.

Is it stupid? Yes. Is it fun? Yes. Does it have any connection to the participants relationships or sex lives? Not really.

It's just men being stupid and having a good time together.

Half the fun of the thing is buying your friends lap dances and laughing at the spectacle of it. Another part of the fun is having stories to tell amongst eachother about it later.

Normally I think gender roles are total crap, but it is true that in this society masculinity is somewhat defined by being able to get women to want you sexually. Granted strippers do it for the money, but they *act* like they want you.

If what it meant to be a woman revolved around sex, you'd see many more bachlorette parties at strip clubs than you do.

i'm rambling, but to sum up, intellectually heidi, you're right, but as far as what's harmless and fun and visceral, why not?

At 4:34 PM, Blogger heidi said...

I guess it comes down to what you define as harmless. I don't take intimacy for granted like I once did, and you can think that's sappy or lame or whatever, but in my opinion it would have shown a lack of respect for me and what we were about to undertake. I have never put my foot down on him going to anyone else's bachelor party - and he's gone to plenty of them - because it's not my wedding.

I don't mean this to sound snide but I think that the basic premise here is skewed because it's entirely hypothetical. I wonder what this discussion would have looked like if a couple of you were engaged or married. Would your opinions be different? Maybe, maybe not.

BTW Dire, your third paragraph made me sing Ordinary Average Guy in my head. Thanks for that!

At 7:33 PM, Blogger MMH said...

Berk - what have you done to our blog? Are people really having a debate/discussion about bachelor parties and strip clubs and the importance (or not) of them? WTF?? Bachelor parties and strip clubs are facts of life. As long as people get married and strippers get paid, the two are going to exist. Next topic please.

At 7:19 PM, Blogger Chairborne Stranger said...

mmh - well said! girls with drinks is strangely quiet since Friday--for Pete's sake, pay the stripper a $20 and blog on! I mean, the Redskins won, that's worth something right? And the Fall Classic started...oh wait, this isn't a sports blog--ok, well, you've done the wrap around skirts and sundresses, what about those obscenely small shoes with the eensy teensy straps you guys are always wearing? Like, what is that called, Johnny Choo's or something like that for $400?? I mean, we all like the shoes women wear, right?

At 8:39 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

Hmm the shoes... I'm not big into the shoes that they wear. For one I know a bunch of women with too many shoes. I've never been able to grasp the concept and sure, shoes can be stylish but I don't put too much stock in them.

At 10:11 AM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

Rent transportation and take him to Atlantic City and gamble.

Washington Cube Was Here. #76.

At 11:41 AM, Blogger MMH said...

I-66 and Chairborne -

I for one am a shoes whore. I can admit that. If I could buy a pair of shoes for every outfit, I would. But you won't catch me spending $400 on "Jimmy" Choos or Manolo Blahnik's (a la Sex in the City)...why do that when you can get like 10 pairs of shoes for $400!! ha ha

The Girls are strangely quiet because we don't have much to say apparently. Strange indeed. I have been sick, so that's my excuse.

And just so you know, the Redskins suck. They are the "luckiest" team in the NFL right now. Go Cowboys!!!

At 2:14 PM, Blogger I-66 said...

3-0 is better than 2-2.


At 2:21 PM, Blogger MMH said...

The only reason they are 3-0 is that the Cowboys handed them that game a couple of weeks ago and the Seahawks called some bad plays and didn't get close enough for a "gimme" field goal. Its all LUCK...not skill. We shall see how they fare in Denver this week.

At 2:38 PM, Blogger Berk said...

Shoes can make or break a woman's look, just like mandals. same with hands, feet, hair, clothing... us guys are a picky lot. oh and you shouldn't be bitchy either. and have a strong sex drive. and having your own money is good, too. hope that's not asking too much. is it?

I'm ambivilent on the Redsskins. Dallas and their fans can choke. GO STEELERS!!!!!

At 3:24 PM, Blogger Chairborne Stranger said...

YEAH, that's what I'm talking about-GO STEELERS!


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